After the world has beat you down, returning home can be refreshing for the soul. Some may agree with this, but they put limits on the timeframe. Believe me, I was the timeframe queen. But when you surrender to God, timeframes no longer exist. It is about His timing.
With that being said, I am back home, allowing God to lead me. I look at this chapter as a second chance.
When I left home for college, I was clueless about my journey. After my freshman year, I realized that I did not know who I wanted to be in this world. I graduated, married, and had a beautiful son. I was content, but deep inside, I knew I had a divine purpose. The problem, I was not sure how to figure it out. I was a babe in knowing Christ.
As I write, I have received confirmation about my purpose from God. I am no longer a babe in Christ. Our relationship is much stronger, I know more about him and the sacrifices he made.
Christ has me exactly where I am supposed to be. He guided me home for a moment such as this.
What is total surrender? For me, it is taking my plans and tossing them aside. It is allowing God to lead the way; having full control of my healing process.
Breast cancer has found several resting spots in my body. Stage 4 is what my oncologist sadly stated to me earlier this year. I have battled this monster for thirteen years. I am exhausted and some days want to give up.
The medications and their side effects have been a thorn in my side, but for some reason, my body has rejected each new medication tried this year.
Weight loss, double vision, depression, and fatigue sums up life for me at this moment. But the Holy Spirit inside of me refuses to accept my momentary weakness. He reminds me of God’s great power and plan for my life. So, each day, I envision my bright future.
Because of God’s grace and mercy, I am still alive. I do not know God’s plan and time-line for all that is going on in my life, but I trust him.
I wish I could say that I no longer cry out, telling God that I cannot take the pain anymore, but I still have my moments.
The beauty of all of this is when I am awaken to a new day, God reminds me that he is bigger than cancer.
My prayers and questions continue. Why must I be tortured? Why can’t you just remove it from my body, now? Silence is all that I receive.
Total surrender is trusting God’s timing and knowing that he is greater than any disease or circumstance. I truly believe that at the end of my trial, all glory will be given to God. Don’t worry, I’m going to share the good news with you when it happens.
As a nurse, I have worked with patients and their caregivers for years. So many times, we get caught up in the routine of our work, we fail to step back and look at each individual. It was not until I needed a caregiver last year that the true meaning of caregiver became more clear to me.
I believe that this amazing individual is an angel who has decided, in the midst of their busy life, to find more time in their day to assist and care for family or a friend.
My sister, who works, has a husband and three children, brought me into her home to care for me. Even after I became independent, she insisted on making calls for me to ease the stress in my life. Her strength and love is amazing.
Technically when working, we may have to ask who is your caregiver, but in my mind, I’m asking who is your angel.
Caregivers, I want to thank you for being fearless, loving, and strong. One thing I ask is for you to remember to take a timeout for yourself. You truly deserve it. Create a team that can help support your family member or friend while you are taking care of yourself.
The love I have for my family is priceless. A wedding event brought us together and made my mother’s day. My siblings and I return home for visits, but with our life’s schedules, we never end up in the city at the same time.
Genuine love is when we all meet up and laugh and love like there’s no tomorrow. We reminisce about the songs we used to dance to and the clothes we used to wear.
This weekend, I realized the beauty of fellowship with family when my brother suggested that we go bowling after the wedding. Ten other family members joined us and we bowled until midnight. Not one photo was taken. Why? Because we were engulfed in laughter and beautiful conversations.
As we parted to return to our homes, promises were made to plan more family trips. Resisting falling back into normal routines will be a key factor.
Just remember, life is short. Do not miss any opportunities to love, laugh, dance, and bowl.
I was born and raised near the water; sweet home Alabama. Over the years, I have been blessed to live in different states across this country. I have experienced different cultures and seen breathtaking outdoor sceneries.
But deep down inside of me, there is always a yearning to be close to the ocean. Whenever I venture close to the water, my mind, body, and soul seems to lighten, and I have an indescribable peace.
As I think about my next adventure, I pray that God will give me a new home not too far from a beautiful and peaceful body of water.
After my initial BrCa diagnosis, I decided to change my diet. It was a tough transition, because I loved desserts and bread. Over the years, I managed to improve by cutting back on the bad carbohydrates. But last year, I was stressed from work and calmed myself with ice cream and candy. Bad decision.
This year, I decided it was time to get serious about maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I read articles and watched several videos to figure out the perfect plan for me.
I learned that trying to comment to one type of diet doesn’t work for me. So, I started with a two week fast, because I needed to submit my will to God. Then, I stopped eating candy. I eliminated the candy first, thinking it would be my toughest battle. But after the fast, I no longer had the cravings for candy. Next, I tackled the bread issue. If I eat bread, it has to be whole grain once a week.
I eat more organic fruit, vegetables, and beans. I am not a huge meat eater. So, I take in organic meats or wild-caught seafood maybe three times a week.
I cannot lie. The sweet cravings occasionally sneak in, but I found something for them. I eat a baked sweet potato with only olive oil and cinnamon or drink a healthy beverage.
Finding a healthy beverage that curved my sweet cravings was tough. If I am out and about, I buy a fruit and vegetable smoothie. When I am at home and the beast hits, I do not want to pull out the blender. Lazy. So, I did more research and decided on coconut water and beet juice.
Coconut water is an easy swallow, but the beet juice, not so. With the beet juice, I had a piece of fruit on standby after drinking it. After a couple of weeks, I am now able to take in my four ounces with ease. WARNING: don’t smell the beet juice prior to drinking it. LOL. Just think of the benefits (immune support, liver support, may increase heart muscle power, anti-cancer properties, and much more).
*Remember to talk with your doctor or healthcare team prior to adding a new food/beverage to your diet.
I love to walk and run. It is a peaceful time for me to reflect and enjoy God’s beautiful landscape.
When illness or disease strikes, we need to rest the body for proper healing. But do not get comfortable on the sofa or in the bed.
After a few days or weeks, if you’re able to, venture out for a quick walk. If you’re not able to go outside, walk around the house. Your endurance will increase each day. Every step counts.
Walking and stretching the body are key factors in the healing process. Carve out a few moments each day to exercise your precious gift.
Treatment for any illness or disease should involve caring for the mind, body, and soul.
Advocacy is key. Survivors and caregivers research the condition and treatment options. Listen carefully to the medical provider’s treatment plan. Speak up! Don’t be afraid to share your concerns about the plan. And remember, there’s nothing wrong with getting a second opinion.
Most importantly, take a timeout to clear your mind by meditating and/or listening to soothing music. Recharge your body by eating healthy and exercising.
If you have ever been employed by a company, in the midst of completing all the required forms, you have to give the name and number of your emergency contact.
My emergency contacts have been my mother and sister. Once my son became an adult, I added him to the list. Never did I imagine that either of them would be called.
During my crisis, my son arrived to the hospital first and called others. Shortly after, my mother, sister, cousin, aunt, and several friends showed up.
Having a name and number to record is a blessing, but when you have a tribe to show up, it leaves you speechless.
I have learned over the years that love is an action word. It involves pausing your life to care for another.
Just a little something to think about the next time you are completing your emergency contact list.
I spend time with God first thing in the morning, and before I settle down to sleep at night. I pray, meditate on his word, and listen for his voice. I love early morning time with him, because I am well-rested and can recognize his voice. Many times my inner voice tries to answer my questions, but I am blessed to hear the difference.
My question or questions can range from my life’s purpose to my to-do list for that particular day. Most recently, I have been struggling with my purpose, wanting to know my divine purpose for being here.
I have enjoyed being a nurse for the past twenty years, but I have not been passionate about it. I enjoy caring for my patients, but something seems to be missing.
I love when my heart leaps and/or my spirit smiles. Being with family or friends can bring this joy about. When I am home alone, this joy appears when I sit with my laptop and write stories. So, you may think, why don’t you write? The simple answer is fear. Fear of what others might think and fear of not having a steady job. On the inside, I feel like this fear has blocked so many blessings for me.
God has been so patient with me through this struggle. He reminds me everyday to be strong and courageous, and to remember that he is with me. I meditate on his words everyday, but still I fall victim.
Two days ago, things changed. I was out for dinner with a good friend of mine, who happens to be a nurse also. She knew I was unhappy as a nurse. “I’ve only known you for a few years, and you have had nine different jobs.” We laughed because she has made this statement to me more than once. But this night, I admitted my truth. I changed jobs often because I was searching for a position that I enjoyed; one that made my spirit smile. My friend told me again to follow my heart and to be brave. “You have a story to tell.” I had heard this from other friends and family, but I wanted to hear it from God.
This past year, I have been able to hear God’s voice more clearly during our private moments, but it seemed like he was quiet when I asked about retiring from nursing and journeying down a different path. Or had he given me the answer, and fear prevented me from taking the big leap?
After dinner, I asked my friend to stop by the grocery store. I needed to run in quickly and buy some ice cream for my nephew. As I entered the store, an inner voice told me to get some detergent. I was running low on detergent, so I decided to make a quick detour. While on the laundry products aisle, God appeared. In my hands, I held a bag of detergent gel tabs and dryer sheets. I didn’t have my eyeglasses on, so I was squinting at the detergent label. In my peripheral, I saw this young, blonde woman (an employee). She spoke to me. I thought she said Jesus, so I gave a confused look. She asked if I needed help. I told her no, and that I didn’t have my eyeglasses.
Suddenly, she began to tell me that she was a new believer, and God had healed her from an addiction and brain tumor. I froze up. The Holy Spirit whispered, “it’s your turn.” Without a second thought, I shared that I was a believer, and told her about my breast cancer diagnosis. Then she asked if she could pray with me. I couldn’t believe this was happening in the grocery store, on the laundry products aisle. As she prayed, I listened carefully to the words, because I didn’t know her. As the words flowed from her mouth, I heard God. He gave me confirmation. He used this young stranger in the grocery store to deliver his answer. The things she prayed for me had to do with my purpose. After the prayer and small talk, we hugged and parted ways. I was so overwhelmed, it took me a moment to figure out where the ice cream aisle was. I made my purchase and left the store. My friend wondered what was wrong with me when I sat in car. She stated that my eyes were wide opened. When I told her what happened, we both cried.
Mind-blowing is how I described this night. There was no way that this young woman could have known my dilemma. Before I walked away from her, she told me that she was nervous and didn’t want to approach me, but a voice told her to talk to me. I smiled and told her it was the voice of the Holy Spirit.
Everyone who reads this may have their opinion about what happened, and I can respect that. But as for me, I know that God answered my question about my life’s purpose.
I have decided to follow after what makes my spirit smile.
Her Timeout 